im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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