I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize