is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
