Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
