So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
