I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
