im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
