god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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