Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
