When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
