8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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