Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
