Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
