all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
