the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
