remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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