Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you