genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize