You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it