i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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