the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
