I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop