I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.