Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
