yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
