I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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