is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused