Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina