we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
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i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"