it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life