there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.