i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
