shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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