remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
