I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
