Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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