tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
