Just fell off a train. Bad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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