When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
