My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
