i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
