Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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