Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
