I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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