I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
