ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
