i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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