you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
