but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't deserve a penis
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
