Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
