all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
