Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
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Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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