I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
