maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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