He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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