Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
