you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
