Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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