Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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