you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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