Do you still have your period?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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