She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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