these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
