So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
