This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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