he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
