A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
