he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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