sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
