he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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