He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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