I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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