I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
