The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
