All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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