A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
