come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
