Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
