dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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