i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
