Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
