I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
