he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
