...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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