I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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