I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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