too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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