This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
