would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
40s are totally the cure
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
