Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
