'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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