I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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