We're facebook friends in real life
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
